By 2000, Alberta Views had progressed to being published six times a year. From this year of AV’s past catalogue, I chose to read the November/December issue, which focuses on the “Changing Face of the Family.” In the issue’s main feature “Father No Longer Knows Best,” Graham Chandler explores a shift in the province’s family dynamics. From working moms to stay-at-home dads, Chandler writes that Alberta’s traditional family values are being turned on their head. Not to mention divorce and same-sex marriages. Fifty years ago these subjects, which we now consider commonplace, were taboo. Chandler’s article got me thinking: what makes a family typical?
In the fifties, a stay-at-home mother and a workaholic father were the stereotypical parenting team. A family would have about three kids and maybe a dog. Nothing ever seemed to faze that “golden age” family unit because it somehow always held together. Nowadays, there seems to be an ever-present divorce crisis. In Alberta, as Chandler chronicled in his article ten years ago, it seems as if families are falling apart and that the traditional family unit from the fifties is now no more than a myth. As a result of this familial disintegration, I have more friends from blended families and divorced parents than those with their parents still together.
Even so, Alberta is one of the few places where there is an entire day devoted to families. Though “Family Day” is often ridiculed for its irrelevance I always enjoyed it. I came from a family where both my parents worked full-time jobs and the only time I would see them was in the evenings and weekends. “Family Day” provided me with an opportunity to spend time with them. It helps that the holiday usually fell on the same weekend as my dad’s birthday, which almost guaranteed a short trip to Jasper. As I see it, “Family Day” is a reflection of a core Alberta value. Chandler refers to stats from a 1992 survey that reaffirms this very assumption, with 92% of Albertans saying, “A happy family life is essential to our lives”.
Another Alberta “trend” affects my family. My parents divorced when I was eleven—leaving me with two of everything, and as an 11-year-old girl I couldn’t complain about that. Chandler writes, “we love our families” and I couldn’t agree more. This leads me to believe that Albertans don’t let divorce change their perceptions of family. Personally, angsty teen years aside, I have always gotten on with my parents, even during their divorce. I suppose I would be an embodiment of the study Chandler cites from the Yeshiva University in New York: my parents divorced and I didn’t end up with any permanent damage.
However, I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I have many friends who have become alienated from their parents because of divorce. That sounds as if I think divorce is a negative thing, when in fact, in certain circumstances, I am very pro-divorce. If the pair married is better off apart because they are in a destructive relationship, get out. Spare the kids the years of therapy. For what my advice is worth: be proactive. Don’t continue walking on a broken leg you know is broken only because you are too stubborn to call it what it is. If it is tended to promptly, the leg will heal and can start to be rehabilitated. If ignored that leg will eventually become infected. Then comes the tough choice: lose the leg or die. It sounds dramatic but I would guarantee the majority of people would choose to lose the leg over their own life. So why is attitude towards divorce any different when it is the choices made by those involved before the “Big D” that can cause the most damage?
Some may blame Alberta’s rising divorce rate on the change in gender roles both in the home and at work. Chandler writes, “trying to cope with the time demands of two jobs and a family is stressful to working parents, especially women.” I only partially agree. If the duties of home-care are shared equally between the couple the workload gets halved. However, women are somehow still expected to pick up the housework on top of a full-time job. Certain arrangements that work well for one couple may not work well for the next so it all depends on expectations they have of each other and the understanding they have of their relationship. Chandler argues that “what has become clear is a need for a radical new work/home solution that would give room for both, to allow parents to strike the balance that works best for their respective careers, and at the same time avoid the stigma of a stay-at-home.”
There’s no denying the rat race is putting strain on relationships, ten years ago Chandler writes, “if it’s not poverty that’s inducing the stress, it’s the struggle to stay ahead of poverty.” The couples that I know who are celebrating impressive anniversaries are those who don’t put too much emphasis on material goods. They save when they want something and spend accordingly. They aren’t extravagant but they aren’t divorced either. Wealth in Alberta has become a third person in marriages across the province. Also, the lack of prep work going into marriages is astounding. Our society puts the emphasis on the storybook romance: the courting, the proposal and the wedding instead of the real facts on the ground. Most young people will tell you when asked, that they want to get married, not be married. Not understanding that there’s a distinction is the problem.
Even with all this talk about divorce people still get married. In 2007, according to ServiceAlberta.ca there were over 19,000 weddings, making that the ten-year high. But it wasn’t as though that number was leagues ahead of the norm. With a yearly total somewhere between 17,500 and 18,500 new marriages, the numbers from 2007 seem to hint at an upward trend, however, the numbers fell back to average the following year. So what made 2007 so special? According to many articles it was July 7, 2007 that made the difference. From bloggers to magazines like Time, everyone seemed excited about the triple-seven day. This coincidence of sevens occurs once every thousand years, and the number seven is a symbol for luck in cultures around the world. Therefore, is it really that surprising that people flocked to secure a coveted spot on the July 7 marriage weekend when Alberta’s divorce rate is what it is? I guess any extra luck is worth the scramble.
After all this research and consideration, I’m still curious: has Alberta changed since 2000? Divorce is so common there is a fear that eventually it will be seen as a quick fix for bad choices, if it hasn’t already. Are traditional family values really gone or are we just distracted by fear of fractured homes? Furthermore, is it really a bad thing to have a non-nuclear family? As Albertans we need to strive for balance, which is hard when the world climate is all about who has the better economy. We have to return to what 10 years ago defined Albertans: family—in all its shapes and sizes.
Sincerely,
Nicole (The Intern)
To read my previous blog posts, as well as others on the site, click here.
For information on the Twitter Campaign and for the official rules click here.
To read the issue mentioned in this article, click here.
To read the issue featured in my next blog, click here.
By 2000, Alberta Views had progressed to being published six times a year. From this year of AV’s past catalogue, I chose to read the November/December issue, which focuses on the “Changing Face of the Family.” In the issue’s main feature “Father No Longer Knows Best,” Graham Chandler explores a shift in the province’s family dynamics. From working moms to stay-at-home dads, Chandler writes that Alberta’s traditional family values are being turned on their head. Not to mention divorce and same-sex marriages. Fifty years ago these subjects, which we now consider commonplace, were taboo. Chandler’s article got me thinking: what makes a family typical?
In the fifties, a stay-at-home mother and a workaholic father were the stereotypical parenting team. A family would have about three kids and maybe a dog. Nothing ever seemed to faze that “golden age” family unit because it somehow always held together. Nowadays, there seems to be an ever-present divorce crisis. In Alberta, as Chandler chronicled in his article ten years ago, it seems as if families are falling apart and that the traditional family unit from the fifties is now no more than a myth. As a result of this familial disintegration, I have more friends from blended families and divorced parents than those with their parents still together.
Even so, Alberta is one of the few places where there is an entire day devoted to families. Though “Family Day” is often ridiculed for its irrelevance I always enjoyed it. I came from a family where both my parents worked full-time jobs and the only time I would see them was in the evenings and weekends. “Family Day” provided me with an opportunity to spend time with them. It helps that the holiday usually fell on the same weekend as my dad’s birthday, which almost guaranteed a short trip to Jasper. As I see it, “Family Day” is a reflection of a core Alberta value. Chandler refers to stats from a 1992 survey that reaffirms this very assumption, with 92% of Albertans saying, “A happy family life is essential to our lives”.
Another Alberta “trend” affects my family. My parents divorced when I was eleven—leaving me with two of everything, and as an 11-year-old girl I couldn’t complain about that. Chandler writes, “we love our families” and I couldn’t agree more. This leads me to believe that Albertans don’t let divorce change their perceptions of family. Personally, angsty teen years aside, I have always gotten on with my parents, even during their divorce. I suppose I would be an embodiment of the study Chandler cites from the Yeshiva University in New York: my parents divorced and I didn’t end up with any permanent damage.
However, I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I have many friends who have become alienated from their parents because of divorce. That sounds as if I think divorce is a negative thing, when in fact, in certain circumstances, I am very pro-divorce. If the pair married is better off apart because they are in a destructive relationship, get out. Spare the kids the years of therapy. For what my advice is worth: be proactive. Don’t continue walking on a broken leg you know is broken only because you are too stubborn to call it what it is. If it is tended to promptly, the leg will heal and can start to be rehabilitated. If ignored that leg will eventually become infected. Then comes the tough choice: lose the leg or die. It sounds dramatic but I would guarantee the majority of people would choose to lose the leg over their own life. So why is attitude towards divorce any different when it is the choices made by those involved before the “Big D” that can cause the most damage?
Some may blame Alberta’s rising divorce rate on the change in gender roles both in the home and at work. Chandler writes, “trying to cope with the time demands of two jobs and a family is stressful to working parents, especially women.” I only partially agree. If the duties of home-care are shared equally between the couple the workload gets halved. However, women are somehow still expected to pick up the housework on top of a full-time job. Certain arrangements that work well for one couple may not work well for the next so it all depends on expectations they have of each other and the understanding they have of their relationship. Chandler argues that “what has become clear is a need for a radical new work/home solution that would give room for both, to allow parents to strike the balance that works best for their respective careers, and at the same time avoid the stigma of a stay-at-home.”
There’s no denying the rat race is putting strain on relationships, ten years ago Chandler writes, “if it’s not poverty that’s inducing the stress, it’s the struggle to stay ahead of poverty.” The couples that I know who are celebrating impressive anniversaries are those who don’t put too much emphasis on material goods. They save when they want something and spend accordingly. They aren’t extravagant but they aren’t divorced either. Wealth in Alberta has become a third person in marriages across the province. Also, the lack of prep work going into marriages is astounding. Our society puts the emphasis on the storybook romance: the courting, the proposal and the wedding instead of the real facts on the ground. Most young people will tell you when asked, that they want to get married, not be married. Not understanding that there’s a distinction is the problem.
Even with all this talk about divorce people still get married. In 2007, according to ServiceAlberta.ca there were over 19,000 weddings, making that the ten-year high. But it wasn’t as though that number was leagues ahead of the norm. With a yearly total somewhere between 17,500 and 18,500 new marriages, the numbers from 2007 seem to hint at an upward trend, however, the numbers fell back to average the following year. So what made 2007 so special? According to many articles it was July 7, 2007 that made the difference. From bloggers to magazines like Time, everyone seemed excited about the triple-seven day. This coincidence of sevens occurs once every thousand years, and the number seven is a symbol for luck in cultures around the world. Therefore, is it really that surprising that people flocked to secure a coveted spot on the July 7 marriage weekend when Alberta’s divorce rate is what it is? I guess any extra luck is worth the scramble.
After all this research and consideration, I’m still curious: has Alberta changed since 2000? Divorce is so common there is a fear that eventually it will be seen as a quick fix for bad choices, if it hasn’t already. Are traditional family values really gone or are we just distracted by fear of fractured homes? Furthermore, is it really a bad thing to have a non-nuclear family? As Albertans we need to strive for balance, which is hard when the world climate is all about who has the better economy. We have to return to what 10 years ago defined Albertans: family—in all its shapes and sizes.
Sincerely,
Nicole (The Intern)
To read my previous blog posts, as well as others on the site, click here.
For information on the Twitter Campaign and for the official rules click here.
To read the issue mentioned in this article, click here.
To read the issue featured in my next blog, click here.
